Practicing Calm

Incorporate Calming Practices in your Life

If you ever had a friend, child, sibling, spouse, or co-worker experience a visceral reaction to something in which they lost control of their emotions, you may have said something to the effect of “calm down.” If you did this, you experienced how this advice rarely works.

One aspect of stoicism that appeals to me is this goal of moving through life calmly and becoming calm in the storm. Marcus Aurelius said, “Be like the rocky headland, on which the waves constantly break. It stands firm, and around it, the seething waters are laid to rest.” I have been wondering if it is enough to seek out the calm in the storm. Young children receive timeouts from their parents – this is like taking a walk and finding space to resolve big emotions. You may know people who are particularly good at removing themselves from situations where they have lost hope to remain peaceful and calm. You may have judged those people, but removing yourself from a situation that no longer works for you and challenges your peace and harmony is a badass move worthy of respect.

Seneca said, “We should take wandering outdoor walks so that the mind might be nourished and refreshed by the open air and deep breathing.” If you have experienced a yearning for a nourishing outdoor walk, you understand what Seneca was describing. Be it a lovely walking trail in the woods or walking along the ocean break on the beach, pants rolled up, shoes in your hand, breathing in the fresh air, connecting with your bare feet on the Earth is somehow nourishing to your soul. And your calm is restored.

When I was 17 years old and looking at college viewbooks, I found one that at once captured my heart. It was an aerial shot of the campus, situated next to a pond and on the base of a mountain, Mt. Monadnock, in New Hampshire, and the four years I spent at Franklin Pierce College (now University) helped me find the calm I desperately needed, which I would replenish for the rest of my life.

Beyond healing from trauma, nature can inspire your intelligence, creativity, and physical and spiritual well-being. Connecting with calm may seem too self-indulgent, naïve, unnecessary, or fruitless. If that is the story you tell yourself, it is time to challenge your beliefs and engage with the natural world in which you are a part, whether you like it or not.

Some thoughts on incorporating calming practices in your life:

·       Take a moment before you respond.

·       If you need more time, say, let me give that some thought.

·       It is rarely as bad as we fear.

·       Apply statistics and be reasonable about the likelihood of the worst outcomes.

·       Forgive yourself when you are the water breaking; we cannot always be the rock.

·       Seek out your rock, be it a person, place, or thing that brings you peace.

There is no strength in becoming the loudmouth bully, and you risk that by not providing space for calm, spiritually nourishing reflection.

Perfection is not a destination; it is not even a goal. I would say continuous improvement is the goal. The ability to say critical things forcefully when they are most suitable is valuable and even needed at the right times. Do not think projecting a calm, rock-like stoicism means you stop engaging in a world requiring vigorous engagement. The better you get at saying hard things emphatically yet calmly, the more fulfilled you will be in your endeavors.