The Art of the Pivot
Moving toward a calmer, more deliberate and contemplative life
If you’re like me, one of the highlights of your day is when you can confidently settle into bed at night, fully aware that you’ve tackled and accomplished everything on your to-do list. Not every day works out this way, and that is fine. In my newsletters, I often talk about the importance of balance, also known as temperance, it is a tough topic to avoid. As someone who didn't grow up in the digital age, I find it unnatural to navigate the world today. Parenting can be especially scary when children move through the digital landscape like it's second nature, while I can feel left behind.
I see why some millennial parents choose to step back from active parenting. With work, bills, and keeping relationships healthy, plus the stress of things we can't control—like the song "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by REM—it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the chaos, conflicts and divisions in the world today. If you want to feel fine, the best thing you can do is to avoid engaging. Sometimes, you may need to make a big change in your life.
An argument can be made for pursuing a calmer, more deliberative, contemplative life. A life where you focus on being present, where you work to avoid pain, including being in receipt of or inflicting it. A mindfulness approach can be achieved easiest when you slow down, enabling you to pursue a “good/happy life.” The cliff’s notes version of living a good life involves some of the following:
Remain present
Practice kindness
Do the minimum needed to thrive
Be truthful
Let go of what you cannot control
Embrace yourself
What would you add to this list?
Have you lived your life pleasing others and recently woken up only to realize you are no longer motivated to do things that don’t make you happy? How mindlessly do we follow along with what’s expected of us despite not being particularly happy with our lives but unable to make any substantial changes? At times, we go with other people's expectations of us without regard to balance, happiness, joy, fulfillment, intellectual stimulation, etc. Do you know a pleaser? This might be someone who chooses to live a life different from their goals, dreams, and ambitions despite promise, talent, and passion. I can identify the pleasers who settled into a life of appeasing others, meeting expectations, and following along, checking boxes. I also have the change makers in my orbit, the people who refused to follow along and insisted on making their path in life.
We are all masters of self-deception when it suits our fears. It is easy to do what feels safe, or as Willy Loman said in Death of a Salesman, to feel you are “Vital to New England” or wherever you come from – to do anything that justifies choices that go against your wishes, hopes, and dreams. When you avoid the unhappiness caused by your preferences, you begin to have problems. A continued avoidance of your unhappiness over a sustained time is unhealthy. I wrote about “The Lies We Tell Ourselves” in an earlier newsletter. We are all capable of substantial self-deception. This becomes problematic when it’s time to change your life plans. The Art of the Pivot, as I have come to call it, requires a commitment to living an authentic life, self-reflection, and love. Stepping away from chaos and moving toward a calmer, more peaceful life that captivates and excites you is always good. If you get that feeling, pursue it. What have you got to lose?
The motivation behind pursuing a calmer, more deliberative, and contemplative life for me is a desire to be present without distraction from the noise of modern life. We have too many inputs and algorithms building profiles that marketers use to get us to click and drive traffic into their profit-engineered, reason and truth-averse digital space. These profit centers' greed and hunger are at war with millions of people's peace and freedom. Our society seems addicted to dopamine from this constant stream of chaos and has developed an aversion to peace and calm. Just consider how immune we are to horror and the unthinkable, how every slight is amplified, and how something that starts as a good thing can run amok without balance (see, I repeated it). And most of us don’t even care. We are unhappy en-masse, with few looking for a resolution. Those seeking peace tend to look outwardly for answers instead of engaging inwardly, where the answers reside. Like I say to myself and my kids, you can’t control what’s out there. You can only control how you respond to what you encounter.
When we are present, we are not just living; we are truly experiencing life. This heightened awareness allows us to recognize what is not suitable for us and make the changes necessary to pivot toward happiness.
Whether you are a parent raising children in an unfamiliar world or a caregiver for an aging parent, you might feel caught between childcare and elder care, with little time or energy left for yourself. If you've been enduring long workdays for months or years, and even with financial success, you still feel exhausted, battling fatigue and anxiety, it might be time to take a sabbatical—a break from your current life.
You can approach this time off in many ways, both big and small, and believe me, you can find ways to make it manageable. There is a line in a song from the Broadway Musical, Barnum, “Bigger isn’t better.” Starting with the small things might take a huge load off your back. Taking a moment for peace, serenity, and calm will help you reset and initiate significant changes regarding who you are, who you want to become, and how you want to live.
Give your plan a name—perhaps “Project Best Life” or something that resonates with you. If necessary, break your plan into smaller micro-steps and begin your journey toward reclaiming your life. You can cultivate a life filled with calm, peace, and happiness or anything you want. Taking smaller steps and paying attention to your discoveries will guide you on what to do next.
Remember, this journey is not a destination but a way of life—a continuum. Trust that one day, after focused and deliberate efforts to execute your plan, you'll realize you are living a calmer, more peaceful, and happier life.
Self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity. Prioritizing it shows that you value your well-being.