The calm we talk about, the hope of stoicism, may find its most practical application in the cardinal virtue of temperance.
Temperance or “balance,” as I and others have rebranded, asks the practitioner to practice balance in all things. When you consider living the cardinal virtues of Courage, Temperance, Justice, and Wisdom, you quickly realize the enormity of the task. It is no wonder that Aristotle defined happiness as an activity of the mind. You only need to consider how this might work in daily life to realize how hard this can be. No more significant challenge exists in the practical application of the cardinal virtues than with temperance or balance.
Has anyone ever eaten enough food but finished their meal anyway? Me too.
Young people today have given casual sex a new name: hookup culture. Sometimes, everyone wants to get laid, fine. Is there any difficulty practicing balance there? What about social media consumption? Instagram doom-scrolling anyone? Guilty, guilty. Have you ever gotten into a political debate with some rando you barely know on your Facebook friend list? How about an all-out argument with strangers you know nothing about in the comment section? Yes and No. Sh*t happens, right?
How easy is it to practice work/life balance? It's not at all easy. An entire segment of the self-help industry is dedicated to this topic, with books, podcasts, seminars, retreats, etc.…
Parents at the margins often feel guilty or criticized for a lack of work-life balance. They often feel the same way about overscheduling their kids. Overscheduling our kids is a requirement for some because if we don’t, they are sitting in front of screens 100% of their free time.
How about balance in family life? Are you treading water to keep all the plates spinning? How is your relationship plate? Are you balancing those needs? The speed of the relationship plate is as variable as life is.
Understanding the work of attempting to live a virtuous life can be daunting. I am here to tell you that living with the cardinal virtues is good enough. Perfection is not required. But understanding the virtues is a double-edged sword. At once, you have a blueprint for living and an awareness of your struggles.
Is the practical application of the virtues even reasonable? This might explain why, some 2400 years later, it hasn’t exactly taken hold, but some of us are still talking about it. It may be sensible to conclude that trying and being imperfect is good enough to make it worth pursuing.
Some tips on practicing balance:
Express gratitude when you wake up and before you sleep.
Be mindful of each part of your daily life.
Pause, think, decide.
“Buy time” when necessary.
Schedule an appointment with yourself to journal your free-flowing thoughts.
Make annual goals and schedule time to measure your progress against your goals.
Don’t be afraid of quitting what isn’t serving you. Leaving behind what isn’t working is a badass move.
It is also okay to be uncomfortable. Nothing worth having is easy.
And though it’s a bit cliche, it works; choose your battles.
You decide what's worth having. This is a continuous process. Without practicing it daily, achieving a well-balanced life can become impossible.
Everything has a time and a season. It is true. The categories that define the plates each of us is constantly spinning change as our lives change. Knowing when that change occurs and paying close attention to your life requires daily practice, a routine, or a formula. It requires you to do something, to work for it.
Let’s get to work!
This passage sums up both the central problem and the key to success: “At once, you have a blueprint for living and an awareness of your struggles…. It may be sensible to conclude that trying and being imperfect is good enough to make it worth pursuing.” Balance is a way of life, a continuous process, not a checkbox to be crossed off one’s to do list. Giving yourself permission to be imperfect is the way to keep going, keep trying, or as Dory says, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”.